So, I return. I'm going to actually start trying to lose weight again, and figured I might as well start using this blog for it, too. The kinda sad part is, the fact that I was less than a dozen pounds away from being 300 isn't what motivated me, it was the fact that one of my friends lost enough weight to be under 200 (for those in the know, the term for that is one-derland, but Ben and Logan and Levi keep teasing me about it, so from now on I won't say it around them until I reach it). Although if jealousy is enough to get me to do it, then that's better than nothing, right?
Unfortunately, I found out this fact after having gone to Aldi and bought a fuck-ton of junk food and sweets, so since I hate wasting food, I gotta finish all of that off before I can start eating healthy. And I gotta wait until Aunt Flo leaves before I'm capable of exercising (fuck you too, cramps). I think I might start logging on MyFitnessPal today anyway, just to see what my calorie intake looks like when I'm being a human-sized glob of fatty fat fatness. I set it up to have me lose two pounds a week, so that sets me at 1,520 calories a day. Yeah, going way over that for awhile.
But yeah, I severely hate myself lately. A lot of my clothes don't fit any longer. I recently had to throw away one of my favorite pairs of jeans because I busted out the zipper (when you wear jeans that are too small for too long, that tends to happen). Every time I'm in public and see skinny women, I feel like bursting out crying. Whenever I'm already depressed about something else, I actually have to concentrate on not crying for real. I'm pretty sure the reason I have such back problems is because my ass and hips are fucking enormous, too. So losing weight... yeah, I literally need to.
At least Ben wants us both to join a DietBet next month. Maybe that'll help. I think I know how I screwed up the last one, too, so I might have a chance of succeeding. I'm at 286 pounds right now, so I'll have to lose... *calculates 6%*... 17 pounds....... Fuck, never mind, I have no chance whatsoever, fuuuuuuck...... Gonna do it anyway, though, cuz I need to lose some damn weight.
(EDIT: It's only 4%, not 6%. My bad. That's only 11.44 pounds. MUCH more doable.)
Hopefully, this time I'll stick to it. I've been morbidly obese for almost two decades now. That is no way to live.
